Thanksgiving Day

I am truly thankful for this time of year. Thanksgiving Day holds a lot of beautiful memories for me. Today we had Mark and Kellie and their four children with us and Sam's father, Lyle. Then we also had children Cory and Kerin, and Jade and Colby and their 2 daughters. Add to that our other children, Carson, Walker, Lana and Bryce and we had a group of 18. The only ones missing who could have made the day complete were Taylor and Shannon and their 4 girls.
Thanksgiving Day is like a breath of fresh air before the hectic Christmas season starts. I love to just sit and enjoy the weekend - enjoy family, lay around in pajamas, eat lots of leftovers, and do whatever I want, whenever I want.
Thanks to the pilgrims for giving us this holiday. Actually, there are many, many, many things I am thankful for and it is nice to have a day set aside to force us into thinking about them.

Zion Park - Oct 2009

Zion National Park Hike - Orderville/Narrows

I love these 5-day Harvest Holidays off of school. Autumn is such a beautiful time to be out in "nature." We camped out in Watchman Campground by the Zion Nat'l Park Visitors Center with Joe, Maureen, Cole & Rebekah in one camp site and Sam, Mary, Carson, Walker, Mark, Chase & Sean in another campsite. Judd and Erica stayed in Springdale in a motel (wimps). After a great pizza/pasta dinner in Springdale Thursday night, we all went to bed fairly early for a full day of hiking on Friday. I was surprised that I slept so well this night, other than the fact my sleeping bag kept sliding off my pad.

This campground is a little crowded if you are used to camping in the mountains with not many people around. Here we were within breathing distance of our neighbors and it took some getting used to. I nearly punched out the guy next to us - he came in really late and then he and his wife proceeded to laugh and talk (yell) as they got everything set up. Then he walked nearly over to our tent and made a cell phone call to his mother telling her all about how they just got in and why they were late and why they didn't get their permit, and on and on and on. I wanted to open up our tent flap and say "excuse me - some of us are trying to sleep." But I didn't -I behaved very respectably.

Friday morning I dropped off Joe, Cole, Rebekah, Carson, Walker, Chase, Sean, Mark, & Sam at their hike start - about an hour drive from camp. Judd & Erica met me and Maureen at camp and the four of us decided to hike up to Emerald Pools. I've made this hike at least 10 times but it is always beautiful-and the day was warm and beautiful. I felt bad that Sam had the camera on his hike and I couldn't take any photos of my day, but that is okay.

We all met up in the evening and went to the famous Bumbleberry Inn for dinner. We had never been there and decided to give it a try. Never again will I go there. Not one of was happy with our dinners. Service was extremely slow and the food was lousy. We went back to camp and made a big fire and sat up and talked.

We decided we need to come every year and reserve four sites together so it is like one big party - and have fun!!!

Fallen Tree - Or is it?

Wild Flowers at Brighton July 24, 2009

We took a hike up around Silver Lake and then up to the reservoir above. Beautiful fields of flowers and green everywhere. I had forgotten how much I love the mountains of Salt Lake.

Just Say NO!!!

One would think at my advanced age that I would have learned how to say no. Whether it is someone asking me to do something or an opportunity I see, I want to do it. I think, "This will only take a little bit of my time," so I say yes. But when I add all of the "little bits of time" segments together, it equals a mess. I think of all the things I am doing because someone else wants me to and then think of all the things I am not doing because I don't have any free time and I get frustrated, tired, and depressed. I am making a firm commitment to free up my time and realize that if I don't do it, I will become sick. I must recognize the fact that someone else will pick up the slack and probably do the job better than me.

I enjoy all the opportunities around me right now and I forget how hard it is on my home and family when I am away so much and doing so many things. I carry around a huge load of guilt most of the time. I think I should be all things to all people. Where did that thinking come from? Why do I believe I have to do everything all of the time?

I have said it now - it's in writing - I'm cutting back. If anyone even reads this, I am counting on you to keep me on track. Help me to Just Say NO!!!

Lagoon

I used to love Lagoon Amusement Park. But I grew to hate amusement parks in general as I got older, mainly because as I have aged I get sick when I go round and round and up and down. We had the opportunity to go to Lagoon (discount tickets really help) and I was amazed at how much fun we had. I only went on the roller coaster type rides - Colossus, Wicked, Wild Mouse, Roller Coaster, Jet Star 2, and the 2 water rides in Pioneer Park, but it was a lot of fun. If I had to choose whether or not to go on rides, I most likely would say no thanks! But when you get with a group of people, you are influenced by what I call the crowd mentality, and you do things you normally wouldn't do - like go on scary Lagoon rides.

In spite of the 98 degree weather and Carson's migraine in the evening, Sam, Carson, Walker, Ashleigh and I had a great time. Who knows if I will ever get back there, but it was a great way to spend a hot summer afternoon.

Before. . . Where is After?

Looking a little chubby around the middle. It is all perimenopausal fat and I am tired of it. This will change soon enough. This is the before photo - just wait for the after photo.

The Biggest Loser Update

I really didn't think I would lose weight. First, because in the back of my mind I am still skinny like I have always been, and second, because I am not highly motivated to lose weight--I love food too much. But after deciding this was something I could do, I began the uphill climb to svelteness (is that a word?). Since I don't particularly enjoy running - I would rather play racquetball or tennis or hike - I had to start somewhere and walking was it. I do this routine - walk 100 steps, run 100 steps, walk 100 steps, run 100 steps. It really works for me. I have been #2 on the losing chart for 2 of the 4 weeks (and there are about 45 people involved). Carson is starting soccer season and I talked him into training with me. So now I have a partner (we start tonight) and hopefully this 13-year-old boy/man and I can do something together besides bug each other. Svelteness, here I come. Photos to follow.

My girls - One Voice

Music, Music, Music

I have discovered that I would rather sing, play the piano, or play the guitar than do anything else. I have some of the most spiritual moments when I am at the piano singing and playing. I have some of the funnest moments when I am singing with my group "One Voice." I have some of the most frustrating moments when I am playing my guitar, but then some of the most satisfying moments when I can actually make the chords my teacher wants me to. (I have also discovered that old fingers cannot move in ways that young fingers can.) Performing is a kick and I think I am hooked on it, although in certain situations I must admit I am almost paralyzed with fear and my throat tightens up.

I credit my parents with this love of music I possess. Some of my earliest memories involve music--either my father singing to me at night as I went to sleep (Mona Lisa my favorite), waking up on Saturday mornings to the smell of breakfast and the sound of Porgy and Bess on the record player, sitting at the piano with my mother as she played and sang to me, listening to Dave Brubeck, the Kingston Trio, the Grand Canyon Suite, Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass on the record player (to name a few).

Life is better with music. One of my favorite quotes from the scriptures (it's over my piano): Praise the Lord with singing, with music and with a prayer of thanksgiving.

To Exercise or Not to Exercise

A group of 20 or so people where I work have formed their own reality show - The Biggest Loser. I decided to join - it was only a small $10 fee - to see if I could lose some of this menopausal belly fat. Rules are simple: pay your fee, weigh in on Wednesdays, do whatever form of dieting/exercising you want, weekly winners, and $150 grand prize at the end of 6 weeks.

I was feeling pretty good about the first week because I walk/run a few times a week and I had been trying to watch what I eat. I went to weigh in and got the shock of my life. I had gained 1 pound in the first week. How did this happen? Maybe it was the chocolate cake and cinnamon rolls on Sunday, or maybe it was the dinner at Pizza Factory. Who knows? But if I am going to win this thing, I need to do something different - like take it seriously and really exercise. I wish I could play racquetball regularly like I did in my other life. Maybe I just need to accept the fact that I will never be skinny again - but who knows? Maybe I will be the Biggest Loser and not the "Biggest Loser." (if you know what I mean) And NO I am not posting before and after photos.

Granddaughters Are Great!!!

We have another granddaughter - what could be better. I'm late in reporting, but Adree was born April 4th and she's beautiful. Can't wait for the next one in July.

She Made It!!!

Graduation Congrats

My daughter, Lana, likes to write letters on her blog to family members. So I think I will copy her and write her a letter.

So Lana - congratulations on your graduation (almost) from college. I know you have 2 classes to finish, but I want you to know how very proud I am of you. You have worked for a long time and made many sacrifices to complete your associates and then your bachelor's degree. I am slighty jealous because I never finished my degree. I wanted to, but it never worked out for me. Maybe I will be one of those who becomes a non-traditional student. Anyway, I know at times it was hard to see your friends and roommates with a lot more freedom than you had. They didn't have to work like you did. I hope this made you appreciate your education more and helped you to understand how vitally important it is that we work hard for that which we want most. You have learned so many lifelong lessons over the course of the past 7 years and I am so very proud of you.

Actually, I am proud of Taylor and Shannon too. They earned their degrees while they were married and raising kids and working. I am always amazed at how my children accomplish what they do. Good work!!

PHOTO BY TAYLOR

Ahhhhhhh. . . It's Time For Therapy

I have been living contrary to the counsel given to Joseph Smith in D&C 10:4 "Do not run faster or labor more than you have strength..." and I am really suffering for it. I do for everyone else and I come last. Sound familiar? Well, today I decided that I was taking time for me and in looking around for something to do, I spied my lonely little piano in the corner of the living room. That was when I realized I hadn't played any "just-for-fun" music on it in a a very long time. I play quite often, but only to practice music for the Community Theater play, or to practice choir music, or to learn music for One Voice. I got all my piano music out and began playing. In the middle of one particularly beautiful song by David Lanz, I nearly started crying because it felt so good. I realized that this was the best therapy I could ever experience. I used to spend hours singing and playing the piano. "Why haven't I done this for so long," I wondered. I made a date with myself - tomorrow: same time--same place. I will in heaven.

I am posting this photo Taylor took, I am assuming of his wife Shannon. It is beautifully simple.

Road Trip With the Girls

No matter what age you are or what stage of life you are in at the moment, a road trip with the girls is GREAT!!! We - meaning Sandra, Millie, Melissa, Callie, and myself - went to SLC for 1-1/2 days. Our group "One Voice" was invited to sing at the Utah State Capitol for one of the opening ceremonies of the Senate session. We were asked to sing the national anthem and "Utah We Love Thee" (not my favorite song, but oh well...). Sandra took a video which I was hoping to post, but I don't have it from Millie yet. I will put it on as soon as I get it. We had to leave at 9:00 p.m. because of conflicts with our schedules, so we could be fresh and ready to sing at 8:00 a.m. the next morning. I drove and we talked and laughed the entire time - except for Sandra who slept most of the time. She falls asleep every time we go anywhere, unless she is driving. We pulled into SLC about 12:30 a.m. and shared a hotel room downtown- 2 queens and a sofa bed.



I don't know if it was an honor to be asked to sing, or if it was just a usual day in the Senate and each of the senators get to choose someone to perform. But whatever the circumstance, we had fun. My sister-in-law, Erica Pinegar, came to be with us and give moral support. Nice of her. After we sang, the ladies went on a tour of the Capitol Building, but I had just been there a few weeks ago with my family, so I stayed in the Senate and watched the events. Very informative and interesting to see how it all works. I had attended sessions in the House of Representatives before, but never the Senate. Everyone needs to see how the bills come to be and how they are passed. Sometimes it seemed as if no one was even paying attention but they voted when called upon, and I am hoping they already knew what bills they wanted to support.



The rest of the morning and afternoon was filled with music and shopping. We spent about 2 hours in Day Murray Music finding music for our group. I sat at the piano and the others brought me music to try. I would play it and sing it, or whoever wanted to joined in sightreading. We picked some great songs. Next was shopping at Ikea, then another fun-filled 3-hour ride home.



We already have the next trip planned - a concert in May to see Celtic Women at the E Center. Look out Salt Lake - Here we come!!!

A Plug for Jack

I have been listening to a talk CD by my cousin--Jack R. Christianson--entitled "Healing the Wounded Soul." He is so insightful and I am always amazed at how he makes things so plain and clear. This particular talk has been an inspiration to me and has helped me see a situation I am dealing with in a different light. He suggests that those who are struggling with self-destructive behaviors are not misbehaving because they are bad, but because they are wounded in some way. He says we need to look beyond their behavior to understand how they are hurting or why they are insecure. We need to be more patient and less judgmental as we deal with wounded hearts. We also need to remember that we are not going to be able to change people, but the Spirit can if we, with changed hearts, can help those in need "try the pleasing word of God, yea, the word which healeth the wounded soul." (Jacob 2:8)

Who knew that this kid who helped hoist my brother John up the flagpole by his belt loops would one day be so smart!!

Life is Fragile - Handle with Care

I attended the funeral last weekend of a 13-year-old classmate of Carson and Walker's--Woody Brinkerhoff. He wasn't actually supposed to have lived past the age of 4 or 5, so each day was a blessing to his family. My every thought this week has been of his mother, father and 8-year-old sister. Do they have any regrets? Will they have to think back and wish they hadn't said this or that to Woody? What would they have done differently? How will they live their lives now to be with him later? How will they go on? It is a long, hard process filled with loving memories, tears, guilt, and prayers.

I was a young mother (24) when my son Justin died. I never thought I would make it through 1 day. But here I am at 53 and it has been 29 years. I still have those thoughts of "I wish I hadn't of spanked him" and "I wish I would have hugged him more." We all need these kind of reminders (a funeral perhaps) to appreciate life with our families and loved ones and renew our desires and commitments to live better lives and to treat each other with more love and kindness. I have looked at my children and my husband differently this week. When they go out the door in the morning, I want them to know they are loved. Life is too precious to waste it. God has given us this life to prepare - so let us love like crazy.

How Did This Happen?

Who would ever think that these two cute little boys would grow up to be teenagers? We had so much fun when they were younger and they loved their parents. They used to say that they were not going to go on a mission unless I could come with them. Now, I have to force them to walk with me down the street. Last night I took them out to dinner at La Villa - a little Mexican Restaurant a block away from our house - because Sam was out of town and I didn't feel like cooking (my excuse was that I was suffering from a bad cold). Walker wanted to hurry on ahead and meet us there. So Carson and I left together, but he was walking so fast. I asked him to walk with me so I didn't feel so alone. He claimed he walked fast and that was just the way it was. I tried to get him to slow down and pretend he was enjoying walking with me. He wouldn't - too embarassing to be seen with his mother. He did, however, wait at the door and hold it open for me when we got there. When did I become so uncool? I know this is just part of the process and isn't this what we raise children to do? Separate from us to make it on their own? But I just don't remember it hurting this much when my other children made the changes. (Bryce actually hasn't made that change yet--but I am confident he will someday.)

Walker still needs me though. Last night he woke me at about 3 am because he had been having a nightmare (this is the 2nd one this month). Since Sam was gone I told him to just lay in bed with me. That was a big mistake. He is not a good bedfellow. I didn't get any sleep because he moves constantly--sideways, up, down, all around. I looked at the clock every time he woke me up: 3:30, 4:10, 4:30, 5:03, 6:01. But at least he was comforted and could sleep again.

2 Cuties

I think Lana posted this photo on her blog, but this is one of my favorite photos of a great time spent with my children (back when I was a single mother). We spent the afternoon with my brother Joe and Maureen in the Bountiful hills gathering wildflowers and hiking. My babies were showing off their treasures. Don't you love the dirty faces?

Children

I've heard it said before that a mother is "defined by her children," "only as happy as her least-happy child," "deserves what she gets," etc. If I am defined by my children, what word would you look up in the dictionary to find me? If I am only as happy as my least happy child, no wonder I'm a wreck half of the time. And if I in fact deserve what I got, I must have been stubborn, knew everything, and challenged my parents on a daily basis. I've often wondered what kind of a person I would be today if I hadn't had the opportunity to be a mother. Would I still be naturally blond, instead of covering-the-gray blond? Would I have no wrinkles on my face because there would have been no stresses in my life? Would I have travelled the world and accomplished great things? I have thought about this a lot lately and have come to the conclusion that I wouldn't trade my experiences of motherhood for anything else in the world. Not anything! Now--unless my children think that life with them has been only stressful and wrinkle-producing times, it hasn't been. I have started writing a "book" for each of you with all my remembrances of your lives: the funny times, the times of growth, the sad times, etc. I'm starting to get feeble of mind, so I better accomplish this task before I forget everything.

We've had our challenges--each one of us. And I think we are better for it and hopefully have learned to grow through what life throws us. I am proud of each of my children for what they accomplish and most importantly for who they are. My life as a mother is the best